As I approach the back of my house there is evidence of creative play ripped, tossed, dug, smeared, gathered and scattered all over the back yard and porch. The cement leading to the back door is different shades of dry mud and small finger smears welcome me as I open the back door. Something pierces and peace leaves places annoyed and desperate, I did not even know what or why. Entering through the threshold of the back door I enter in to the ciaos of my kitchen and now no matter how peaceful I was leaving the garage, I am boiling within…I am not sure why…but it is deep and I want to spatter ugly venom all over the clutter. Its as though entering that door was like jumping into deep water not knowing how to swim. I become desperate….
We have too much to manage.
Are we lazy?
I can not keep up.
We will never be FREE from STUFF….
I try to stuff desperation with remedies of…its a time management issue…we could higher someone to clean…we just need to de-clutter…I could make and enforce a more chores…I could quit working but only to drawn in finances…NOTHING relieves and I settle for apathy and a bag of skittles…Then I feel my stomach churn uncomfortable and I brainstorm another list of remedies to save me from my sudden physical decline. That desperate feeling returns…more diet restrictions…definitely NO sugar…more rest…more exercise…more supplements…other Doctors…and.the.list.goes.on. There are SO many options, so many resources, I am stuffed yet starving.
I can clean up my clutter and diet. There will always be stuff to manage. Life is messy. These seem to sooth only until I realize that although there will always be stuff and messes in life what do I want to pour MY resources into??? Managing STUFF and DIET leaves me with no energy to feed souls…not even my soul. I could clean up my clutter but it will clutter up again and again in a vicious cycle. I WANT OUT OF THE CYCLE!!! How!?! I no longer want to feel held captive my stuff, money, attaining, retaining…IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??
Christ came to set me free. His is my ONLY Savior. He is enough. If I truly believe that than why am I still drowning physically? I feel so much freedom emotionally and mentally! I feel peace and joy even in suffering that has relieved so much brain clutter!! Yet the physical symptoms of my too much life must have spiritual roots deep…why else would it bother me so??
Do I hold on to unrealistic expectations?
What is the flesh and what is the spirit prompting??
I analyze to keep my mind from despair.
I want freedom. I want enough to feed my body and spirit. For LOVE to be enough overflowing to give to others. What do others need to actually live?? Others need fed. Others need shelter. Others need water. Others need clothed. That is ALL I should need physical…than why am I still starving and drowning in the unnecessary?? WHY AM I STUFFING MYSELF WITH ALL THIS OTHER STUFF?? …All fleshly bodies have needs to live…AND also each person’s spirit has needs live. If only the flesh is fed then when it does die, and it will, there is NO OTHER LIFE if the spirit is dead. When flesh dies and one’s spirit is alive with PRESENCE than it will live ETERNAL in HIS love. Christ made is possible for our spirits to have LIFE eternal. My desire is for my spirit full of His presence that others FEEL IT when in my presence! His Spirit SO FULL in me that others benefit!! That feeding of spirit has NOTHING to do with stuff…in fact trying to feed your spirit with stuff is like trying to feed your physical body with mere dreams of food. It doesn’t feed, leaving the spirit starving to death. I am praying for an uprooting, a pruning and a replanting. For the power that raised Christ from the dead to raise me up out of this bondage
I read this today. I will end with this. Pray for me. Pray for you. Pray for us…to BE FREE. BE FULL. TO HAVE TO GIVE AWAY, ENOUGH.
“We don’t comprehend how much of God’s presence is available to us. Jesus so wants to fill us with His Spirit that there will always be more than enough. Not for us to selfishly consume ourselves, but to give away! Jesus wants to fill us to overflowing so that His presence will touch every single person who crosses our path in life.
Often we are so spiritually malnourished that we have nothing to offer anyone. We are weak vessels because we spend all our resources chasing after that which is not satisfying. But we need the presence of God more than we need anything else in life. IT is only His presence that will truly satisfy us. God is looking for people who are hungry enough for Him a lone that will be able to feed a nation with His presence.
Anyone who is desperate enough for Jesus will be satisfied! Thank God there is nothing in ourselves that we can do to earn this provision–it has been paid for already! But we need a hungry heart to receive. And when we do, Jesus multiplies whatever He pours into us until we find ourselves feeding others–the spiritually desperate and starving. He wants to Place something of Himself in our hands that will be a provision to many.
We live in a broken world. Jesus wants us to notice and help those around us who are so in need of His presence. He wants us to reach out to them. But we can’t go to them empty-handed. We need the fresh bread of His presence to feed the starving.” – Expecting Miracles by Heidi and Rolland Baker